When you know you’re about to bring a child into the world it’s natural to start PLANNING! How will we decorate the nursery? What do we need to put on the registry? Breastfeed or formula?
One thing you might forget to think about is….What kind of parents are we going to be? Do we agree on how we will parent our children? Do we have similar parenting styles? What IS my parenting style???
I think Nicole and I both have a pretty good idea about the kind of parents we will be. However, I know it’s hard to REALLY know until the kid is here! We can just pretend everything will go exactly as planned right?
We decided we wanted to have some fun with this and decided to take an extremely reliable quiz from www.buzzfeed.com 😉 I found a quiz called “What Kind Of Mom Are You Going To Be?” (https://www.buzzfeed.com/what-kind-of-mom-are-you-going-to-be)
Wow, sounds like we are going to be some AWESOME moms! Of course, that was all in good fun. We know that being parents is more than what kind of birthday party you will throw and whether or not you’re a good baker! If only it were that simple.
I decided to do some reading and found out that 4 different parenting styles have been identified by researchers:
I had never heard of these specific parenting styles before so I decided to read up on them and break it down for you below!
Authoritarian parents believe kids should follow the rules without exception. We all know kids want to ask “Why?” when they are told they can’t do something. The authoritarian parent does not feel they need to explain the reasoning behind their decisions. They are focused strictly on obedience. Based on my research it seems like the authoritarian parent tends to punish their children instead of discipline them. These children don’t get taught how to make better choices, they are taught strictly to apologize for their mistakes.
I will personally call this style: “Because I Said So”
These parents definitely have rules and consequences, but they take their children’s opinions into account. The authoritative parent makes sure their child knows they are ultimately in charge while still validating their feelings. This style is all about trying to prevent bad behavior before it happens by constantly reinforcing the good behavior.
I will call this style: “Praise Before Punishment”
Permissive parents tend to play more of a “friend” role than a parent role. They encourage their child to talk about their feelings but they don’t put much effort into trying to discourage any bad choices or behavior. Permissive parents set rules but very rarely do they enforce them. It’s hard for them to stick to their consequences and frequently cave when the child begs for their privileges back.
I shall call this style: “Kids Will Be Kids”
These parents don’t devote much time or energy into meeting their child’s basic needs. Children with uninvolved parents pretty much raise themselves and don’t receive much guidance. Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it’s not always intentional. For example, parents with mental health issues or substance abuse problems might not be able to care for their child the way they need it. However, in other cases parents just lack knowledge about child development and become too overwhelmed with their own personal problems.
This style in one phrase: “Don’t Be This Parent”
I believe that sometimes parents can fit into more than one category. There are certain times and situations that you might feel like you are more permissive and other times authoritative.
Nicole and I fully intend on following the “Authoritative” style—which studies are clear is the best parenting style. We all want to be the best parents we can be, but we are not naïve in to thinking that once you decide on a style everything will be rainbows and butterflies. I think our parenting style will change and grow, as we change and grow as parents. We hope to do our best and raise our child to be a respectful and loving kid!
Let us know what your parenting style is and take the BuzzFeed quiz and let us know your results! 🙂